[/Life] I FEEL LIKE LATELY, I HAVE ONLY BEEN LOSING IN LIFE

I am 27F. And i think i have stepped on the worst luck for a long long time now. 

Last month i turned 27, i had plans with my parents coming into town and everything. I live alone so just having them here was enough. The day before they took the flight, i tested positive. I spent my birthday all alone, on meds and without a sense of taste. 

I have spent the last 3 birthdays this way.

I just felt like i was always going to be this way. Alone.

When people ask what do you do on weekends, i have to lie and say something fun. In reality, most weekends (Sundays, i work on saturdays) are spent replinishing energy by just sleeping in and calming myself from a mental breakdown.

Dont get me wrong, i have great supporting friends. But they dont live where i do. 

Work has been extremely tiring. I love my work but office and its politics has definitely taken a big toll on my health. Mentally and physically. I write this as i lie in bed on a sick leave. I am trying to change my workplace but entering a new place requires me to sit for a test and i am so tired after office, i dont have the energy to sit for a full blown test for another company.

The last few guys i dated were enough to make me lose hope in men. One talked about his great past dates on a date with me, one made it look like a long term thing when he only wanted hookup, one was married and cheating on his wife.  Ew.

I tried dating again, after months. i was supposed to meet a great guy on friday. I got fever an hour before we were supposed to meet. 

Even though he says he still looks forward to meet me once i am not sick, i can’t help but feel its all fruitless. And yesterday he bumped into one of his bumble matches and had a great time, which he texted about today. To me. What is it with men never shutting up about their other dates and conquers to women they want to date, ugh.

I am not looking for a pity party. I just need to know that things get better  somehow. Someway.

I just want a reason to smile.

It’s not that bad, I know. A lot of people have it worse. 

And to you it may seem like nothing. But to me  this has been a losing battle over and over and over and over. 

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